the pink elephant ruined our wedding

you know every family has one. the person or thing that nobody wants to face head on. in our family there is actually more than one, but only one is so selfish and unable to see her own faults that she has not only ruined our wedding but created a fork in the road for the miller family that will forever change history as we know it. our kids will never play together, thanksgiving and birthdays will be amongst the people in our lives that actually love and RESPECT us, which of course means that the pink elephant and all who cherish her will not be included.

a little history about why i don't really feel warm and fuzzy towards the pink elephant. she had all but thrown herself at me begging to be my friend. she told me this big sob story about how important it was to her that her and i be friends, because her other brothers wife was so mean to her and had turned her brother against her and that i was her last hope. I had never seen that side of bobby's sister-in-law but what do i know, i'm new to the family and she seemed pretty cool. now mind you her efforts to befriend me was really sincere as she said it in conjunction with bringing me maternity clothes when she found out she was pregnant, and she timed it perfectly... she barged herself over the day we got back from our trip to sturgis, which was a challenge all in itself, and it was in august which is when i was due to have the baby that i had miscarried in january.... i know brilliant isn't she. isn't that what you're supposed to bring a woman when she is dealing with what might have been? ya! you definitely want to throw your pregnancy in her face and rub her nose in the fact that she doesn't need the clothes that you are bringing her because she isn't pregnant, nor having the baby that she was supposed to have. love that!!

it's sad really, pitting one sibling against the other. bobby's brother has a beautiful house, perfect for entertaining. about three months ago bobby asked if him and his wife would mind if we got married there. we have been engaged for over two years and finding a place was our biggest obstacle. of course having it at their home would save us thousands of dollars in location rental fees, but it really is a great place for pictures and an overall memorable event to be shared with the whole family. and on the day that he asked, we were attending a birthday party that they were hosting for the pink elephant's son's 1st birthday, so it's not like they don't open their home to family affairs.

looking back, we really should have seen this coming, the day that bobby asked if we could have the wedding at his brother's house was horrible. the pink elephant is completely self centered. not only did she boss everyone around, including her friend's children. she didn't talk to me at all, not even a hello (which is funny considering her pressing desire to be friends with bobby's wife, not me, just his wife).... she made a point of introducing me as if i were the red headed step-child "oh yeah, and this is my brother's 'girlfriend'" as she motioned in my direction. still no hello.

but wait, it gets better... we were set to meet bobby's 15 year old daughter for the first time (she was adopted by a family in bellevue when she was born and bobby had not had contact with her until now) when he told his sister we were meeting her the next day and she realized that she wasn't included, the pink elephant actually said "why does tessa get to meet her, you guys aren't even married." i never realized that someone could actually be that stupid, she had no idea that there was anything wrong with her statement. of course i shouldn't meet the teenage daughter that may become involved in our life, why should the mother of his 8 month old daughter, married or not, meet the person that we, as a family, were opening our hearts and home to.

and i'm supposed to bend over backwards to be friends with this witch?

don't get me wrong the thing that makes her the pink elephant isn't just that she's rude, even though she is. it's that everyone around her allows it "because that's just the way she has always been and besides, she has an autistic child, and nobody could handle what she goes through." are you freaking kidding me? plenty of people have disabled children and they aren't disrespectful and rude to the people around them.... and lets face it, your daughter is alive.

i know a couple who fought tooth and nail to save their child form leukemia, only to lose the battle and their beloved child. but they don't use their circumstances as a reason to throw a pity party for themselves. so why don't you try and be thankful for the good things in life instead of the woe-is-me bullshit. and the added 'stress' of having a new baby... hello, what did you expect when you got pregnant. did you actually think that your daughter would suddenly take care of herself and having a newborn and a 9 year old autistic daughter would be a walk in the park? no, of course not, life gets that much harder, and that isn't everybody else's fault. just because your life is tough doesn't mean that everyone else has to bow down to the "you couldn't handle what she deals with" mantra. everybody has issues and hurdles to overcome in life. and lets face it.... the pink elephant can't even deal with what "she's been given"

can you tell that i'm pissed yet?

so here we are just over a month before our wedding date and the pink elephant has played the pity card so well that the sister-in-law, that supposedly hates her, stepped up and proclaimed that she was compelled to play momma bear and that if we couldn't be nice then we couldn't have the wedding at their house. bobby had chose not to answer the phone or return any calls from the pink elephant after the debacle of a birthday party, this went on for about a month and he finally called her to "set the record straight" unfortunately he didn't actually tell her "hey i'm mad at you, you disrespected us and you were rude and bossy the whole day" (by the way we weren't the only ones who thought this, bobby's brother said the same thing, he just chooses to say it behind her back and thinks it's rude to say it to her face.... which is funny because they say and act like they are religious. maybe i should place a bible on my coffee table too, apparently that means that you can do and say whatever you want about people, as long as you don't say it to their face) so since bobby and his sister didn't actually clear the air, he was still mad at her and so was i. we both thought that she should apologize for her rude comments and bossiness. this wasn't a "we disown you" kind of fight by any means, we were just taking a break and leaving the ball in her court to move forward.

apparently, the pink elephant boo-hoo'd to her and bobby's brother and his wife that "she didn't understand why bobby wouldn't talk to her". she is truly the best of the best, and i mean that in regards to being good at being "woe-is-me". we were supposed to be getting married on august 16th, my maid of honor and i had just addressed all the invites, ready to send out. if it hadn't been for the holiday weekend they would have been mailed. funny enough said pink elephant happened to be one of the first to get a hand delivered invite, wouldn't want to not invite the family.

so it came down that we were mean and we needed to cut her some slack because that's just how she is (from what i understand, only knowing her for 3 years, she has always been rude and bossy). so now we have to tip-toe around for the "honor" of having our wedding at your house? wtf? didn't even see that one coming. so now, not only is it uncomfortable being around the pink elephant, for obvious reasons. now i am smack in the face of my soon to be in-laws and their judge and jury role that they have chosen to take on and play nice for the good of MY freaking wedding. i don't think so!! but for the "good of the family" bobby and i agreed to move forward with the plan to get married at his brother's house and i agreed to be cordial to his sister and not tell her exactly what i think of her. if only i can make it through the 4th of july, hayden's birthday party, wedding shower, etc.... just to get to the wedding and hope to not blow up on my wedding day, a tough feat indeed.

so 4th of july comes and we arrive at "the house" and there is no apology. however, apparently the pink elephant is completely clueless because she actually asked me to join them for a spa day. ya, cause i want to hang out with you at a spa all day, that would be relaxing! and you're a witch, but heaven forbid i tell her that i don't enjoy hanging out with her and until we clear the air i'm not interested in having anything to do with her. so i had to make excuses as to why i would rather poke myself in the eye with a blunt object than spend a day with her. did i say that out loud? no, of course not. i felt totally on the spot and tried to put it off on my busy schedule, which actually is pretty crazy right now with the new job and all. after successfully dodging that hurdle, we went on with the days festivities with no real problems to speak of.

when it came time for her to go she finds bobby and gives him a hug. so here she is hugging bobby good-bye and i'm thinking to myself - she is going to want to hug me. OF COURSE! she hugs me and i do my best not to vomit and she proceeds to place her hand on my shoulder and tells me that we need to start over and try and be friends "for bobby's sake". She says that she made a point of being really nice today and she is sincerely trying.... was there an apology hidden in there somewhere? besides, isn't that a clue that you are not a good person if you have to "make a point of being nice."

she continues to say that we need to sit down and talk things out, which i agree that we do need to talk and that yes for the good of the family i hope that we can start over. she proceeds to go on about how she thought it was unfair that we didn't give her the chance to apologize and that she didn't even know what was wrong. i told her that i understood and that i had been telling bobby for months to talk to her and clear the air. she kept insisting that we talk before the wedding and i thought to myself "are you kidding me? i would certainly say something to offend and have to scramble to find a new location or postpone the wedding" i told her again that yes we need to talk, and work things out but that now wasn't the time. she wouldn't drop it and finally, i told her that it was wrong for her to say that i shouldn't meet bobby's daughter since we "aren't even married" and mentioned her behavior in general. at that point she finally dropped her hand from my shoulder, (which was weirding me out anyway) and demanded that i tell her what i meant. knowing that i might jeopardize our wedding plans i told her that i was not at liberty to discuss it. she asked what i meant by that and i told her that we needed to talk about it later (like after the wedding) she continued on and wanted to know what i meant.

finally i told her that her behavior at her son's birthday party was horrible and she was bossy and rude. she flipped out and started yelling. (totally didn't know that bobby had neglected to mention that everyone thought she was bossy and rude that day, so i had the very unfortunate luck of breaking the news to her). bobby was standing pretty close so i called for him to help, just as she started shouting "you aren't going to tell me that i was rude at my own son's birthday party". she was yelling and telling him that it was over "she is done" i told bobby that this wasn't going to be pretty and she yelled "what does that mean?" i knew as soon as she started yelling that we would not be "allowed" to have our wedding there.... "mamma bear" was going to be VERY disappointed (in me and bobby of course because the pink elephant doesn't have to behave or conform to the general rules of society) she proceeded to walk inside where more people were and started yelling again, don't know what was said since i stayed out on the deck to try and not make things worse. bobby immediately went to tell his brother and his wife what happened and apologize to them for the confrontation. to which the wife replied, we'll talk about it later.... sure, that will go well.

anybody want to host our wedding on the sixteenth. don't worry the pink elephant won't be invited.